(Read my previous 2 blogs for a fuller understanding)
Aloof Control Dramas
Aloof types disconnect and withdraw from life – they put a boundary around themselves, a wall between themselves and others. Then they automatically blame the other person in a direct projection.
Once they have disconnected they:
- Judge and criticise: eating away at the other person’s confidence, by making them wrong.
- In aloof they are not kind, and they cannot or will not apologize.
- They are most uncomfortable when feeling emotions so they attempt to fix the person or thing that makes them feel uncomfortable.
- Become unsympathetic, judgemental and only see life in terms of right or wrong, black or white.
- They give the impression of doing the right thing.
- Have perfected the art of not feeling anything.
- They cannot see their own flaws or when something was caused by them.
- They have huge blind spots and are mostly unable to see the consequence of their actions.
- They amplify what they observe – e.g. if they judge another’s behaviour this magnifies what they are observing.
- They are always right.
- They keep you at a distance hence they are difficult to get to know.
A major physical symptom of an aloof type is always being physically cold.
Once you defend yourself around an aloof they have taken your power.
Poor Me Control Dramas
Poor me types are no walk in the park either. Many of their behaviours are not enacted consciously but deep down there is a comfort from their misery.
The Poor me types love misery, they love to suffer and they want everyone else to feel sorry for them. They feel everything and find it difficult to discern what emotions are theirs and what belong to others.
When in engaging in poor me behaviour the major giveaways are:
- They like being sad and miserable.
- They don’t like to be around joy – they resent others happiness.
- They enjoy moaning.
- They love to tell others of their suffering, as nobody suffers more or as much as a poor me.
- Everything is their fault, they blame themselves for everything.
- They manipulate by being nice and control you by attempting to keep you caught in their misery.
- Poor me’s wallow in self pity, they take the joy out of everything.
- They don’t trust and if rejected they feel hard done by.
- They use language like ‘I gave you everything’ – hence the giving is conditional to befriending them.
- Poor me’s are martyrs.
- They feel everyone’s pain and attach to it and make it their own
- They are prone to depression.
How do poor me and aloof interact? In truth very badly. Like oil and water. They don’t get on well at all.
- Poor me types want the world to know how much they are suffering, aloofs don’t want to share anything.
- Poor me types blame themselves for everything, aloofs judge and blame everyone but themselves.
- Poor me types feel everything, aloofs don’t want to feel at all .
- Poor me types want aloofs to pity them, aloofs don’t want to feel, are incapable of true pity and are disgusted by poor me’s desire for it.
The more affluent a society becomes the more aloof it becomes. A society in struggle is more prone to poor me behaviour.
The positive characteristics of poor me –
When they are in their power they are highly empathic and can see all perspectives of any given situation.
The positive characteristics of an aloof –
When they are in their power they are natural leaders and can motivate with clarity and focus.
We can move between being a poor me and being aloof but we cannot be in both at the same time. They do not co exist with ease.
